Living Beside the Leaving
A memoir for people grieving someone who is still here, and for those rebuilding after caregiving ends.
You are taking care of someone, or you were.
At first, the changes were small.
A misplaced purse.
A repeated question.
A forgotten routine.
A moment you explained away.
Then the changes became harder to ignore.
You kept showing up.
You managed the calls, the appointments, the decisions, the safety concerns, and the emotions.
You tried to stay present with the person you loved while adjusting to everything that was changing.
Nothing had officially ended.
But grief had already begun.
And when caregiving ended, the quiet brought its own kind of disorientation.
Inside the book
Living Beside the Leaving begins with my mother before Alzheimer’s became the center of the story.
It follows the slow changes that altered our family life, the decisions that came with her decline, and the responsibility of caring for someone who was still here but no longer the same.
The book moves through diagnosis, driving, memory care, family tension, anger, guilt, exhaustion, moments of connection, her final days, and the strange quiet that followed.
It is not a guidebook.
It is a lived account of what caregiving can ask of you, what grief can look like before death, and what can remain after the role ends.
“I was already practicing goodbye.”
About Caroline Shelby
I am a grief educator, coach, and the founder of Grief Clarity Labs.
Before this work, I spent more than a decade caring for my mother as Alzheimer’s progressed.
At the time, I did not have language for much of what I was living through.
I knew I was tired.
I knew I was scared.
I knew I loved her.
I did not always know grief had already begun.
This book came from what I could not name while I was in it, and what I began to understand after caregiving ended.
If this story feels close to your own, Grief Clarity Labs offers support beyond the book.
Support circles offer a place to be with others who understand.
One-on-one coaching offers private support to talk through what this specifically looks like in your life.
Speaking and workshops are available for organizations and groups who want a clearer way to talk about grief and caregiving.